Slow Play - What's All the Fuss About?
By bkuehn1952 on 8/26/10
We asked for readers to send in blog posts- and Brian Kuehn didn't disappoint. He kicked off our reader-writer series 2 weeks ago- and now he's checked back in with another fun read.

I keep reading articles and blogs that complain about slow play. What is all the fuss about? My regular group has been playing golf for over 60 years and I can’t remember the last time we had to wait for anyone. Usually by the 3rd hole we never see another golfer in front of us and have clear sailing for the entire round. However, from all the complaints I read, clearly there is a problem. So in the interest of helping my fellow golfers, I am going to provide some tips to avoid slow play.

First, make sure everyone in your group has their own ball retriever. Sid and I used to share mine and it was a real pain to have to drive the cart across the fairway to help him look for balls. You see, Sid is a lefty and I hit from the right. My slices are always on the opposite side from Sid’s. Now that Sid has his own retriever I can drop him off on the left side while I work the hazards on the right.

Next, don’t bother with provisionals. Just hit the damn ball into the schmutz and move on. Our group rarely loses a golf ball, even if it takes 20 minutes of looking. Once you find your Top Flite or Pinnacle, toss it into the light rough – no penalty. If the damn course wasn’t so cheap they would have cut back those weeds or cleared out the woods, right?

Never rake bunkers or fix ball marks, those are a real waste of time. When was the last time you saw Tiger with a rake in his hand or Phil stooped over to fix a crater he made in the green? Ever notice all those guys at your course riding around on their mowers and work carts? Fixing the course is their job; you paid to play golf, not provide maintenance services. If you spend a lot of time doing someone else’s job, there is less time to hawk golf balls. Having your priorities straight is important.

It is a matter of personal choice but I prefer to park the cart in front of the green. With Sid typically being left and me being right, the middle is perfect. Of course, if you have two righties in a cart then by all means park on the right side. Just be sure to park as close to the green as you can to avoid those long 50 foot walks. The 30 seconds you gain from parking on the fringe will pay off later in extra golf balls.

Speaking of walking, whatever you do, don’t make a mistake and walk a course. By the end of the round those 14 Top Flites you found are going to be pretty heavy. Besides, it is nice to have a cushioned seat to watch Sid hit his 7th shot to the 11th hole (a long 325 yard par 4). I spend a lot of time watching Sid play (and vice versa) and it is much more comfortable from a sitting position.

Finally, turn your hearing aid down. There are too many golfers out there that seem to enjoy yelling profanities. The other day I was plumb bobbing my 5th putt on 17 and you should have heard what some jackass behind us yelled. Fortunately my aid was turned off and I drained that baby to take the hole from Sid. The only reason I know what that jerk shouted was because Sid told me later while we were trolling the pond that fronts the 18th. By the way, we both not only found our Pinnacles but half a dozen others, too. Nice way to end a pleasant 6 hours in the out of doors!

Well, that is it for now. Practice these pointers and soon you to will be able to navigate the course in under 6 hours.


This was written by Brian Kuehn, a reader/follower/fellow oober and the opinions are 100% his and do not reflect those of oobgolf in anyway. Enjoy! I'm sure he's ready for your feedback.

photo source


[ comments ]
Scott Shields says:
Lol...thats pretty awesome.
8/26/10
 
Scott Shields says:
I have a buddy that ball hawks and insists ... freaking insists, that even if his ball is 80 yards into the woods ... he's going to look for it...even if there are people on the tee behind us. Its embarassing. I'll walk away from a bridgestone b330 if I can' find it after more then a loop in the cart ... and frankly, if I watch it go into the woods, screw it. Balls are made to be lost.
8/26/10
 
homermania says:
I know it's supposed to be funny, but still painful to read.
8/26/10
 
birdieXris says:
Hahaha i started reading this all strait faced. Not so much anymore. LOL. I was like " is he serious? wait.... no no he's not" I actually LOL'd and my coworker came in and asked what was up. : )
8/26/10
 
KVSmith59 says:
unfortunately I've played behind Brian and Sid.....
8/26/10
 
tennesseeboy says:
I was on vacation a few months ago and played a round with Brian and Sid. They found at least a dozen balls and insisted on giving them all to me. Said "I got no need for em. I got a big garbage can full of em in my garage"
8/26/10
 
Agustin says:
@ KVSmith59 - Damn! Brian and Sid must get around... I've also played behind them on several different courses.. The only time they did not fish for ball in the water hazards was in the Marina Vallarta Golf Course. I guess the crocs discouraged them.
8/26/10
 
Tha Clint says:
Hmm! i must play in front of Sid & Brian it is so nice no one hits up on us it is nice and quiet ( except for 2 or 3 holes back we keep hearing loud obscenities) and we finish in about 3 1/2 hours. Lol
8/26/10
 
falcon50driver says:
Funny you should mention Marina Vallarta Golf Club. I wanted to get a souvenir shirt there but couldn't pry the $95 out of my wallet. A week later I was in an outlet mall in Hot Springs Arkansas. They had overruns from a local embroidery shop. I found a Marina Vallarta shirt for $10. Also got one from Incline Village in Reno, Haven't played there yet though.
8/26/10
 
Sparker1969 says:
I've played through Brian and Sid while they're looking for a lost ball and they never noticed.

Then I run into a pair of scratch golfers that wait eight minutes for the 3mph wind to drop, take fifteen practice swings to make sure they're "on plane" and mark an eight inch putt so we can see that preshot routine that's longer than Gone With the Wind one more time.
8/26/10
 
Agustin says:
@ merlin2driver - I would have done the same; 60-70... maybe. $95... No, thanks. Th5 course is though... Narrow and plays much longer that the 7000 yds in the summer because of the humidity. I prefer it's sister courses at Vista Vallarta, but if you don't want to stray too far from town it's definitively a good option. The course at the Four Seasons in Punta Mita is also a must play. Also 2.5 hrs drive to the south is El Tamarindo which is unbelievable... pack your bathing suit an plan 6hrs or so to play it so you can go for swim during the round... :)
8/26/10
 
jbird2011 says:
I love free golf balls! I have never held up groups behind me or with me, but if I am
playing by myself....with no one behind me...i have no problem fishing a couple Pro Vs out of the pond on 5 or 9. My home course is where Titleist go to die! A bunch of rich bastards that would never think of even looking for a ball. I will take em!
8/27/10
 
Matt F says:
I would think the majority of us have played behind Brian and Sid. My league partner and I did a few weeks ago. We sat on the second tee for 20 minutes, all the while, no one came down 6. When we got to our tee shots the group of Sid and Brians we just teeing off 6 and were the cause of the hold up...5 groups waiting to tee of 3 (par 3). The back 9 was just as bad...5 hours to play 18.
8/27/10
 
jeremyheslop says:
LOL I love it. We need more fun articles like this :)
8/27/10
 
falcon50driver says:
@Agustin, thanks for the ideas. Puerto Vallarta is on the schedule again later this year.
8/27/10
 
tartantoml says:
I followed Brian and Sid driving home (during rush hour). No traffic in front of them, a beautiful day to enjoy the afternoon site seeing.
9/1/10
 
falcon50driver says:
People who drive slower than me are morons, If they're driving faster than me , they're maniacs.
9/2/10
 
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