The Irritable Golfer
By bkuehn1952 on 2/25/13
As long as oobers like Brian Kuehn submit well written guest columns, we're going to keep publishing them. Enjoy!
I admit it. Behind this veneer of sanity and reasonableness is one irritable golfer. The golf course is supposed to be a sanctuary, a place where time slows down and one is able to escape from the ever accelerating pace of 21st century life. Lately, however, my golf sanctuary has been invaded by a horde of irritating sights and sounds.
This was written by Brian Kuehn, a reader/follower/fellow oober and the opinions are 100% his and do not reflect those of oobgolf in anyway. Enjoy! I'm sure he's ready for your feedback.
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Image via Flickr, Navaneeth K N
[ comments ]
I'd like to add to your list.
Anyone who makes a put from 12' and then proceeds to do their best Rick Flare imitation. WOOOO!
Duke of Hazards says:
sweet rant, Brian. snow's making you edgy and I'm diggin it.
+1 for "painted up like a $5.00 harlot" LOL
you went to far with the sunglassed sir. Eye protection is not a joke. I agree with everythig else I even went as far as to spray expanding foam in the head of my Adams driver to mute I beam falling on concrete sound it made on off center hits.
How about the guy in the group ahead of you that feels that anything less then 100 practice swings is not enough then hits it fat, or the group ahead that needs to try to read the green like the pro's for a 40 foot putt that has no chance anyway and then repeats the two steps listed already. Or the twosome that thinks its ok to stand on the green after putting out to chat and/or practice their putting.
Btw the flat brim hat style now days argh I hate that in everyday life not just on the course.
I'm more bothered by the guy who refuses to wear a belt, or pants that fit properly. You've seen him. He looks like he's pregnant, and every time he moves his pants start to fall down. Put on a belt, or buy pants that fit... and tuck in your shirt, dammit.
Blimey, BK, if I ever get to the USA to play golf with you I'm going to piss you off!
Flat bills? I've never understood why you'd want anything else...seeing as the point of the bill is to block out the bright sky and the sky ends at the horizon which tends to be...flat. Seems to me that a curved bill is not fit for purpose.
Sunglasses? OK, I don't wear the wrap around style, but I've never been that tolerant of bright light and a baseball injury ( tinyurl.com/JPEyeOuch) means that's yet more true. It's highly likely that I will wear shades.
Golf ball decorating? I went through a brief phase, but man it's boring! Now I don't even bother marking them at all. I do like the yellow balls though, but since it's unlikely I'll be bringing any of my own anyway I doubt any kind of confrontation will be required.
GPS? I use that, mainly to see how far I've hit my shots so I can build up an understanding of my distances, not so much for how far away I am. Is that OK, man?
Loud drivers? Really?
Great point about ball decorating. To those of you who do this sort of thing, remember that you're going to lose that ball, I'm going to find it and I don't want MY ball looking that way! ;-)
Also agree about the yellow balls. My 78 year old dad, who can't see anything anyway, insists on playing these. When the grass gets that sickly shade of yellowish green in August, we have the situation where the ball is the same color as the grass and I have to find them! :-) Just glad he can still play!
jp: I would give you special dispensation since clearly you are a confused young man. British people play cricket, not baseball and the world is round (like curved bills on a cap) not flat like those awful things you and Rickie wear. ;)
There is nothing more disrespectful than some sorry s.o.b. wearing a flat brimmed NEW YORK YANKEES hat. That also applies to any golf hat. Fowler and Mahan among others look like punks. Hell Fowlers is 3 sizes too big. Makes him look smaller than the buck 20 he is. Hey Shallow, dont you hate to find a near mint ProV with a smiley face drawn around it. DAMN!
What about stripper heels? True story, she showed up ready to play in stripper heels. They look much better than a flat billed cap.
Agree with everything except I love my laser. Don't worry I have plenty of excuses even when I know the distance, and I know how far away you are.
You think you're irritable? For me there's only two types of golfers in the world--the ones that play too slow and the ones that play too fast.
Brian, I know your story was tongue in cheek, but as they say, more truth is spoken in jest. Well, I hear ya buddy, on all levels. My rangefinder, however, is non-negotiable. I'll just pretend you didn't mention those. Oh, and high tech drivers too. Gotta have em. And, wait, I wear 2013 model sunglasses, so those don't count either. My Pro Vs are marked with two stars, but each star a different color. Not a mural, but kinda artsy. Well, I really hate those flat-billed caps.
Bryan K says:
You'll pry my fedora from my dying hands. But keep in mind that there is a difference between a trilby and a fedora. It drives me absolutely nuts that when I go to shop for fedoras, I usually find racks full of trilbies with a fedora mixed in here or there.
Oh, and shades are an absolutely essential part of my outdoor attire. I have learned quickly, playing in Arizona, that protection from the sun is absolutely essential. So I don a fedora and a pair of sunglasses when I go to the course. If it's hot, the fedora will change to a straw hat. But a wool fedora is warmer in the chilly months.
I used to mark up my ball but now I found the easiest thing is to buy logo balls on ebay or rockbottomgolf. I always pay less than $15 a dozen and it is easy to identify your ball, even if it does have some ridiculous company logo on it :)
Nothing on that list bothers me, only slow play.
I'm with Bogey on this one. I do love my laser as much as i love shooting low and there's nothing like thinking you have the yardage and hitting it perfect only to realize that the guy who marked the sprinkler doesn't know how to do math (or use a laser). I will say the fedora is ok though. I wear one every now and again. I believe snead wore one as well a few times. I don't see the problem with it, but only if it doesn't come with a free bowl of soup.
BK: We do play baseball! I played for 21 out of 22 years. But cricket is far more popular. And rightly so, dear boy.
Seems the thing to do at my local muni course now is to pimp out your cart with as much bling as possible. That includes lift kits, knobby tires, chrome spinner wheels, outrageous paint jobs, and the ultimate in annoyance.........yes, stereo equipment.
joe jones says:
You should see the carts at any senior community in the U.S. We have Hummers, Mercedes, Cadillacs, Model T's, Model A's, Jeeps, We even have one Lamborghini Diablo for God's sake. They are lifted , lowered, chopped and channeled and painted every color in the rainbow including camo.Every branch of the service are represented and I believe every major university in the country are in attendance. They have whistles, bells horns, claxons,all kind of flags, stereos, TV's and air conditioners. I have a 2002 Yamaha. All it does is haul my old bones around the course. I feel like a poor relative compared to the other gaudy carts. I do have one thing to brag about. Mine cost about 20% of what the others cost. Boys must have their toys you know even when they play to a 30 handicap and are in their 70's and 80's.
i am with jp
Sadly even though I know I have 152.3 yard with mt GPS system, I still have to trot out the excuses...
Tim Horan says:
Great piece of writing Brian! I am guilty on two counts and don't apologise for either. Lasers are the best bit of kit if you travel around a lot. Golf is no fun whet a hole is billed as a 450yd hole, you pull your driver ony to find that what you thought was your fairway is not and your hole is a dogleg and you ran through the corner ito the trees. My Cobra L5V is probably the loudest driver on the planet but boy does it keep it straight. Brian I am with you on several points and probably a whole host more. We have a TV programme over here called Grumpy Old Men mouthing off on all and everything. That is me and I suspect and awful lot of other guys especially around the golf course.
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