Mismatched
By bkuehn1952 on 5/16/13
Those of us who play as singles or twosomes have often been paired up with some interesting people. In my experience 98 percent of golfers are pleasant companions for the 3-5 hours you are thrown together on the golf course. Sometimes you even strike up a friendship and end up playing golf together in the future. Then there are the other 2 percent.
  • The Manic-Depressive: My stepson and I got to play with Wally a couple times. He played a particular course frequently and we seemed to always get an opportunity to include Wally in our group. Wally initially gave one a good impression; he was a friendly if somewhat talkative person on the first tee. Then he hit his first shot. OHHHH NOOOO! On and on Wally would go about why he didn't quite hit that well and how he was doing this or that wrong. The monologue did not stop. And each subsequent squirrelly shot brought forth a new round of discussion about his problems. Then, like a miracle, Wally hit a nice shot. There was a moment of silence and my stepson and I looked at each other, we both smiled and it was like a cloud had been lifted from our group. Our moment of peaceful reverie was broken as Wally commenced a monologue about all the things he had done right, how he really thought he had figured it out. Yep, Wally considered himself quite a golfer. Look out course record. That is, until he hit his next shot poorly. Back he went to his monologue cataloguing all the bad things that had happened. He alternated between moods in a split second and shared every one of his thoughts with us for 4 hours. We don't play there anymore.

  • Mr. F-Bomb: One weekend I joined a group put together by someone with whom I was acquainted. One of the members of the group was Charlie. Little did I know what I was getting into as I shook hands with Charlie and he said, "How the f—k are you?" I had always thought the most used words in the English language were words like "the" or "and". Based on my experience with Charlie, I was totally wrong. Derivations of "f—k" are the most commonly used words. Charlie would use the f-bomb in everything he uttered, sometimes multiple times in the same sentence. He could bend that word into nouns, pronouns, verbs, adjectives, adverbs and gerunds. The guy had a masterful grasp on that one word. The worst part was, after 4 hours with Charlie, I started to talk like him. I guess I did not fit in with the group because I never found out what the f—k happened to Charlie.

  • Betty Lou: I joined a trio of women one day. Lucky me, you think. Well maybe not. These ladies were novices at golf and one, Betty Lou, was just starting to play. She was in a cart by herself and her other two friends had the 2nd cart. I was walking and declined the offer to ride along with Betty Lou. We all teed off and Betty Lou hit a decent shot to around the 150 marker. She parked the cart and hit the ball 10 feet. She walked forward and swung again, moving the ball 5 yards. I hit to the green and walked forward. Eventually we all made the green and got ready to putt. It was then that I noticed Betty Lou's cart parked back at the 150 yard marker. She had just continued to advance her ball with the same club, never returning to the cart. Parked next to her cart was a foursome of men, glaring at us. I sprinted back to the cart, apologized, raced back to the 2nd tee and reminded Betty Lou that she had to move her cart periodically. "Okay." Next hole she started to do the same thing and I had to send her back to retrieve her cart. Needless to say, we were moving at a glacial pace so we let the foursome of rather peeved men play through on #3. Onward we proceeded. "C'mon ladies, let's keep it moving". "Betty Lou, go get your cart." "Let's all pickup and play our shots next to the green." "Betty Lou, remember the cart." "Let's tee off from the 150 marker on this hole." "Betty Lou, THE CART!" We let 3 or 4 groups play through over the 9 holes. I was never so happy as when they decided to call it quits after nine.

  • Boxing Buddies: I was playing as a single one Saturday afternoon. Eventually I ran into a larger group and was sitting on the bench at the 14th tee, waiting for the hole to clear. A couple guys, Bob & Jim, came along and they accepted my invitation to join me for the balance of the round. They seemed friendly enough and obviously had a bet going of some sort as they good naturedly trash talked to each other. We teed off without incident and then hit our second shots. As we walked up to the green, my new companions started to bicker. While I putted I listened to them argue.
    Bob: "You always do that and it is not right!"

    Jim: "There is nothing wrong with it."

    Bob: "That's cheating!"

    Jim: "No it ain't!!"

    Bob: "Cheater!!!"

    Jim: "Motherf...!!!!"
    At that point they started swinging at each other and ended up wrestling on the ground, cussing and trying to land a solid blow. I putted out, trotted over to the 15th tee, quickly teed off and jogged away from golf's version of UFC.
You guys must have played with some characters. Share your stories. Be kind to your fellow oobers and warn us who to avoid!


This was written by Brian Kuehn, a reader/follower/fellow oober and the opinions are 100% his and do not reflect those of oobgolf in anyway. Enjoy! I'm sure he's ready for your feedback.

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Image via Flickr


[ comments ]
birdieXris says:
i've played with an incarnation of all these golfers except the boxing buddies. never seen a physical argument on the course.... yet.
5/16/13
 
bobhooe says:
The Drunk is always a fun one or guy that thinks he's Jeff Gordon with the cart but would still rather be with these than with Betty Lou.
5/16/13
 
Jattruia says:
How about the guy that insists on playing from the tips, and talks about how much he golfs around the country and how he has a set of clubs everywhere he stays...then proceeds to slice and hook his way off of every tee box through all 18 holes.
5/16/13
 
snkli says:
How about Mr. Magoo/Forest Gump? This is guy or gall who stumbles and bumbles his way through the entire round. Doesn't pull or replace the flag when they should, is not aware of when it's their turn to go, and generally oblivous to the world.
5/16/13
 
jasonfish11 says:
The worlds greatest...

"Hi my name is Ron, I'm a roofing contractor, if you've ever seen a roof and thought how nice it was I was the one who did it."

Hi Ron I can tell this is going to be a fun 4-5 hours. I can't tell you the amount of times I've looked at a roof in amazement. *sigh*
5/16/13
 
jfurr says:
A few months back I was walking as a single to the tee, saw another single at his cart preparing to tee off. I decided to be mr. friendly and ask about pairing up. He agreed, but before we ever got a peg in the ground he started on apologizing. He explained his reasons for being a bad golfer non-stop. Divorce. Hurt back. Lost job. Wrong clubs. Trying new swing technique. Not practicing since quit membership, etc etc. It was creepy. Then about the 5th hole he made a par and I bogeyed, and he commented "got you on that one!" like suddenly we were in a competition.
5/16/13
 
DougE says:
The guy who doesn't count bad shots....or penalties. Got paired up with a father and son pair. Son is okay, but father stinks up the place. Somehow he forgets all his bad shots (which are the vast majority of his shots). Eg. He hits his drive into the woods, can't find it. Drops another somewhere well past where it went into the woods and dribbles it a few yards. Hits it again, into the woods on the other side of the fairway. Drops another. Dribbles it near the green. Skull chips it over the green. Finally on the green. 3 putts. While all this is going on, I hit a great drive, a good approach, decent chip, but two-putt for a respectable bogey. His son asks "What'd you get Dad?" "Um, guess I have to take a bogey on that one son." This type of scoring went on the whole round, of which he spent most of in the woods. By his calculations, he probably beat me by 10 strokes. I probably shot 85. The man never came close to a honest-to-God bogey the entire round, yet when I saw his card there were many written in.
5/17/13
 
Banker85 says:
@DougE: That is my Father-in-law. Somehow as i 2 putt my Bogey he ends up with only a double when i know for sure he took atleast four shots to the green and 3 putted. I've learned to just agree and say nice par, when i now it was a bogey or worse.
5/17/13
 
Trip says:
Worst for me was being hassled for 18 holes to buy insurance. I think this guy just played golf all day trying to make sales.
5/17/13
 
bkuehn1952 says:
"Worst for me was being hassled for 18 holes to buy insurance. I think this guy just played golf all day trying to make sales."

Ha ha ha! I almost forgot about the guy that sold meat. He started the sales pitch on about the 15th hole and took me over to his PU (had a cooler unit in the bed) after the round. It was VERY hard to get away from him.
5/17/13
 
Tim Horan says:
We have a guy at the club, Scottish so even when sober it is hard to understand his accent. This guy is a two handicapper when sober and into plus figures when drunk. I have seen him driven to the club for a competition, poured into a buggy, handed every club throughout the round where he asked how far to to the pin on every shot including putts and score an amazing two under in the rain. Where upon he returned to the bar and drank, and drank and drank. He is a painter and decorator by trade...what a waste of natural talent!!
5/21/13
 
C-4 says:
MR. RULE MAN...a friend of a friend who sucks..never broke 100..and this guy tries to play by ever single rule whether right or wrong....I play by the rules but sometimes take a drop to keep up the pace of play.....learn how to hit the ball and forget about the rules!!....And he is the best dressed golfer in the world!!!!
5/22/13
 
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