Golf's Tough Questions Answered
By Kickntrue on 7/23/09
Sometimes people ask me ridiculous questions. Sometimes I just think of them on my own and actually process answers. Here's what's been on my mind this past week along with some help from you guys. If you like what you see and would like to have your question answered- email it to me (firstname.lastname@example.org). Anyway- here goes nothing...
Q: Statistically, what are the chances of a (J.B.) Holmes (Tom) Watson playoff.... and what would the commentators cheesy joke be?
JB Holmes has been in 95 career events and in two playoffs where he is 1 and 1. Tom Watson has been in way too many career events to count and has WON 9 times in playoffs. Since I know heGÇÖs lost at least one- we know heGÇÖs been in a playoff at least 10 times, but itGÇÖs probably reasonable to suspect heGÇÖs been in at least 15-20. WhatGÇÖs that have to do with the probability of them meeting in a playoff together? Nothing at all, which is equal to the chance this actually has of ever happening. It is too bad though, because the cheesy jokes wouldGÇÖve been abundant. The most common (and best) would probably still end up being the headline I used on oob though after WatsonGÇÖs opening round, GÇ£Elementary My Dear Watson.GÇ¥
Q: What Hollywood actress would play Paula Creamer in a biopic?
Oh man... this is going to be fun. Some of you know my obsession (ok fake obsession) with Paula Creamer which I'm sure is why this question was asked. I canGÇÖt say itGÇÖs something IGÇÖve thought of before, but the answer came to be pretty quickly. Without a second thought I realized Mandy Moore was the most qualified and perfect actress to be Paula. Not only do they look eerily similar (with Mandy being a substantial upgrade in hotness), but Mandy seems to have the same sort of girl next door with overprotective parents feel to her (think Saved mixed with Mandy from A Walk To Remember). I think she could pull of the athletics of golf and frankly, if not, they could fake it. This is a movie, not a golf lesson. Even if the script was terrible (and how could it not be unless Creamer actually wins something soon) I think I could stomach 90 minutes with Mandy.
Q: ... Which leads me to the follow up question: What actor would you want to play you in the Paula Creamer biopic as the website guru who Paula Creamer secretly obsesses about?
This one is a little tougher. While my first though is to zip to Brad Pitt or Matt Damon, they just donGÇÖt quite fit the bill. It needs to be someone younger, more mysterious and more upcoming. There actually is an obvious answer to this question but I think he's too big. So big in fact, I haven't seen him do anything in years, Jonathan Taylor Thomas. I just feel like JTT couldn't mess it up. He'd be perfect, but like I said, he's just too big. Maybe his buddy Zachery Ty Bryan is available?
It canGÇÖt be someone as pretty as Twilight's Robert Pattinson but has to be someone more ruggedly handsome than Shia LaBeouf. Funny is a prerequisite but IGÇÖm clearly funnier than Seth Rogen and way less Jewish so heGÇÖs out. I think someone who has worked with Rogen and the Apatow crew could work, so how about Bill Hader? HeGÇÖs funny but in a less pronounced way, and just good looking enough that youGÇÖd think he could pull Paula Creamer if he did something really charming. Sounds like me, no?
Q: My friend and I were golfing and a snake slithered across the fairway. He was beating me at the time, but shouldnGÇÖt he lose strokes for screaming like a girl and hiding in the cart?
Tough question to answer without knowing more of the details, but IGÇÖll try. IGÇÖd probably be running like a girl too if it was a rattlesnake or something that looks poisonous but if it was just a little black snake or something, itGÇÖs hard to side with the friend. I think the general rule here should apply a manliness factor and how the rest of the group reacts. If everyone agrees itGÇÖs okay to be cautious and get away- then nobody should lose any strokes. If one person reacts in a manner that is not similar to the response of the rest of the group (like a wuss), IGÇÖd think this person should have to forfeit the hole in match play or give up 2 strokes in medal play.
Of course this could lead to some situations on the course where abject fear should be the proper response, but in an effort to gain 2 stokes one person tries to remain manly or even better the entire group tries to keep their composure with a diamondback less than 5 feet away. Oobgolf wholly encourages this show of manliness, though we do not take any responsibility for your death or loss of limb from venom.
Now- if a person wishes to GAIN to stokes back to the group- he must walk within 8 feet of the snake- and stand in place with his eyes closed for 1 full minute. If he makes it- he deserves those shots. If more than one person wants to participate- again this is fully encouraged. Good luck.
[ comments ]
One time a bear came out of nowhere and was 10/15 yards away from me on a course. I got the eff out of there. First time I'd ever seen one in the flesh, and it was easily the scariest thing I've ever seen. I totally wouldn't run away from a snake though. What a puss.
Oh, and I took four B holes. Ruined my score but whatever. I wasn't trying to be eviscerated by a 6 foot black bear.
Mr. Black says:
eviscerated......good word dude
Good word, bad thing to have happen to you I'm sure.
Paula Creamer "actress"? I am thinking Miley Cyrus.
The question should be why the hell would anyone make a movie about Paula Creamer?
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