"Next Level" course drinking.
Do You Drink And Drive (Off The Tee)?
By Kickntrue on 12/21/09
I know I've asked this as a poll question- but not sure if I've ever done a full on post (don't go search- I'm sure I have). I'm interested to hear stories about golfing while drinking. I know people on both ends of the spectrum. For one person- a drink or three calms their nerves and they play the best golf of their life, for another a single drop of alcohol turns the round into a sloppy fun-course of horrors. The strange thing is that it doesn't seem to hold true to the behavior of the drinker off the golf course. I mean- it would be easy to say a lush is a lush but the same guy who can't have a single drink on the course without it wrecking his game is the same person who can be 10 drinks in at a dinner party and nobody has a clue.

Maybe it just points to how much of a metal game golf really is, or it could point to how careful people really need to be with alcohol. Anyway- the golf course is one place where drinking and driving is acceptable- at least 18 times. Just don't go get in the car afterwards or you deserve anything that comes to you- and probably worse.

This is a fake week of work- so don't hold back your comments. Anything goes- stories of drinking on the course, funny things that happened, or why you never let a drip of alcohol touch your lips on the course.

If you're more of the "reading-type," here's the story that inspired me to write this post, which at this point is almost completely off topic. (full story)


photo source


[ comments ]
bducharm says:
I know I probably will be the minority here but I have NEVER drank alcohol and played golf before in my life!
12/21/09
 
Kickntrue says:
@bducharm- I bet you're not as in the minority as you think. Tons of people don't drink at all, and I know a lot of people who do drink who would NEVER touch a drop on the golf course.
12/21/09
 
Ward says:
I love to have a few off the course, but golfing is hard enough without drinking

I pay good money to play, and I don't feel I need anything to "enhance" my on course experience.

I drink to drink, I golf to golf, no reason to mix the two for me personally.
12/21/09
 
Tim Horan says:
I have a fairly robust drinking constitution being able to keep up with the boys but cannot drink and play golf; not even a half pint. My swing goes to hell in a handcart. I have often been on corporate days 36 holes with lunch between; one sniff of wine; that's it I do not play well in the afternoon. All that free drink and I would rather play golf!
12/21/09
 
Bryan K says:
I tried drinking and playing golf once....all I got was a headache.

Last summer, I played with a guy who shot even par for seven holes and about 3-4 beers. On hole 8, the beer caught up. He shot 11 over on the last two.

When I was younger, I played with a guy who thought that the only way to play golf was to down a beer before each hole. he made it to the fourteenth hole before throwing up. I give him credit, though. He chugged another on 15 and kept going. For what it's worth, I never did play with that chap again.

Last summer, I was playing a round with a twosome that was enjoying some ice cold brews on a muggy evening along with a fourteen year old kid who plays a lot and is quite good. This is exactly the reason why I'm not a fan of beer on the golf course. I found out on about the sixth hole that the kid was sneaking drinks from them. Well...to be completely frank, they were sneaking drinks to the kid. I would have never found out had the kid's game not gone to hell.
12/21/09
 
lcgolfer64 says:
Years ago (and when not really trying to improve my game) I would have a few (okay one time with buds, we got completely obnoxious... the truths on the table now) on the course. Like others, I'm sure, I found that my game went to crap in a hurry!

Now that I'm really trying to improve my game, I've found that I just don't want to drink and golf at the same time. I'm purely a social, light-to-none drinker anyways, so the two never mixed well.
So now unless it's H2O, or a sports drink it's just not in my bag anymore.
12/21/09
 
mmontisano says:
"the same guy who can't have a single drink on the course without it wrecking his game is the same person who can be 10 drinks in at a dinner party and nobody has a clue."

guilty.

i know quite a few who like "aiming fluid" during their rounds.
12/21/09
 
PingRhoda says:
Ok, normally I don't drink till after the round. However, this past August my dad, brother in law and I were playing the Arthur Hills, GC in Hilton Head, SC. I was playing pretty horrendously that day. Couldn't get the club face to close to save my life so everything was shooting OB Right the entire day. Finally around 15 I got so frustrated I grabbed a 12 oz beer and drank that down fairly quickly. After that I started to do well until I lost my last ball hitting a Turtle on the cart path causing the ball to bounce backwards into water next to an Alligator. I just let the gator have it. That was a very frustrating day and the only time I've thought about a cold one on the course
12/21/09
 
Banker85 says:
i was on an outing for work and they had a Jager hole with shots and beer coolers on every hole so by the time dinner rolled around i was way too f'd up it was embarrassing. Plus when i drink i lose concentration and i now play to get better and beer does not help.
12/21/09
 
kidputter says:
Occasionally I'll have one at the turn and maybe one or two after the round. Usually, though, I stick to a sports drink or 2 for the day.

First time out with my neighbor, he met me at the course. He had already downed 4-5. He bought a 6-pack and we headed out to the back nine (course reversed this day). At the turn, he bought another 6-pack and drank a beer while waiting for the 6-er. After #2, he stopped by his house and got 2 more, in case he ran out finishing the round. After the round I joined him for a pitcher in the clubhouse. He shot 106 and NEVER took his putter out of the bag. And never slurred a word or lost a ball.
12/21/09
 
Bryan K says:
Alligators on the golf course? Is it proper etiquette to run away screaming?
12/21/09
 
PingRhoda says:
haha, tell me about it. Saw the sign that said beware of Alligator. Looked around and there it was...Needless to say I stayed on the cartpath
12/21/09
 
Kickntrue says:
@bjohn- I'm still waiting to see my first "real gator" on the course. i've thought about what this will look like- and have pretty much resigned to the fact that i will run screaming like a girl. "they are more afraid of you then you are of them" does not apply in this case. he could think i'm an invading lifeform coming to earth to steal its minerals (hmm.. true) and i'd still be the one more afraid.
12/21/09
 
Bryan K says:
Do they have courses in Austraila that say "Beware of Crocodile"? In New Guinea that say "Beware of Reticulation Python"?

Seriously...if I walked onto a course with a sign like that, I'd NEED a drink to be able to tee off on the first hole.
12/21/09
 
Bryan K says:
"Beware of Sharks...with friggin' laser beams attached to their heads"
12/21/09
 
MJKern44 says:
I guess I'll be the resident drunk here and admit that I like to have a few on the course. Usually, I enjoy 1-2 crown royals on the rocks with a splash of coke as it really relaxes me and I play much better. However, any more than 2 and my game starts to suffer. So, I do enjoy a little of grandpa's cough medicine while swinging the sticks, but I don't drink to get drunk while playing....Also, I don't drink every time; about 50-50....
12/21/09
 
windowsurfer says:
My golf buddy almost always brings 4 beer, packed in ice. I buy him one after the round. My preference is no booze til after, but a coupla lite beer are no big deal. On hot days, I feel the effects more quickly, unless I drink a lot of water.
12/21/09
 
falcon50driver says:
I was amused by the comments about the alligators. ALL of our local courses have alligators. I have never heard of one bothering anything except for eating a dog here and there. Next time I play , I'll take some pictures for you. I have to admit though, I always have an Iron with me when I get close to the water.
12/21/09
 
Bryan K says:
That would be cool to see some pictures of the alligators. And I don't blame you for bringing an iron with you to the water. You'd better make sure it's a wedge. Would they could that as a club if it's there purely for self defense? Your 'gator wedge?
12/21/09
 
joepro23 says:
I would say about 1 out of every 15 of my rounds may involve a little alcohol and it's only a drink or two at most. Usually I will only crack a couple open at a resort-type course where the cart girl comes over. I walk most of my rounds and carrying around beer doesn't work so well when you are hoofing it. I don't know why someone would get drunk out there, the game is hard enough already.
12/22/09
 
banatmfees says:
"the game is hard enough already" so why would anyone get drunk? In general, I agree, and I do not drink on the course. At most, a beer at the turn.
12/22/09
 
banatmfees says:
But I do have a story...I took a 3-4 year hiatus from golf and what got me started again was a guys' trip for a college reunion. we went out to one of our favorite little courses, and because none of us were really serious about playing for score, and we were all out to just have a good time, we brought several beers with us and bought many more along the way...i was definitely hammered. but the funny thing is, it had been years since i had swung a club, and my only swing thought was to swing smooth--don't kill the ball--and i had some of the most pure shots of my life. it really was a transcendental experience, i was most definitely drunk, but i was able to think and react through the swing and the way the ball exploded off the club was amazing...it got me hooked again.

post-script--haven't had such a pure ball striking day yet! LOL. but going out as much as i can to find it (sober, of course)!
12/22/09
 
Matt F says:
It all depends on the weather for me. Early spring or late autumn when it's still nippy, I'll take along some whiskey to keep warm but when it gets hotter, I normally stick to water.

Matt
12/22/09
 
BetterThanJohnWilson says:
Ok, I've got a story for everyone...but I have to paste it in multiple posts because of space limits. For the sake of protection of the guilty, I'll say this story is about a guy named David Israel Hertz from Portage, MI. It all started at our favorite course, Binder Park in Battle Creek, MI. It was a normal day for us, we loaded up our golf bags with about 12 beers each and a fifth of Cuervo. What surprised me about this day is the David took a hit of the Cuervo on the second tee...David never drinks liquor, let alone Cuervo. He said, "I just got laid off and I'm going to get F-ed up." (Don't feel bad for him, he has a nice trust fund from his Daddy who is a Vagina Doctor - no joke.)
12/22/09
 
BetterThanJohnWilson says:
Anyway, after taking his shot of Cuervo he stepped up on the Par 3 second hole and knocked it right into the hole on the fly! I was in disbelief, considering David is a pathetic excuse for a golfer, however I was happy for him. We celebrated all the way up to the green and he kissed the ball as he pulled it out of the hole. What happened next triggered a course of events I will never forget. David stepped up with his honor on number 3, a relatively long par 4 with water left, right and a forced carry. As usual, David dropped one in the drink. However, the look on his face after the shot told the story...he had hit his hole in one ball in the water. Knowing that he lost the only trophy ball he will ever have in his life, he lost his mind. Within two holes the fifth of Cuervo only had about 3 shots left and through the course of the next 10 holes (yes that's only as far as we made it) here is what happened in summary.
12/22/09
 
BetterThanJohnWilson says:
* 6 Broken Clubs
* Public Urination 9 times
* Public Urination on himself, twice, while clothed
* 5 lost balls
* 1 broken finger
* 1 shoe thrown into the woods
* Crying on two different holes
* Picking a fight with a man in his 60's and getting pushed to the ground by this elderly man
* Vomit on two tee boxes and one fairway
* At least a dozen cases of rediculous profanity
* Falling out of the cart, rolling into a bunker and crapping his pants (no joke, it happened all within a 5 second time frame)
* Showing his penis (very small penis) to our threesome, asking us to touch it
* Kicked his foot through the windshield of the cart
* Made a birdie on his last hole (#15 was our last)
* Got kicked off the course (so did I)
* Was charged $145 for the replacement of the windshield
* Was asked never to come back to the course
* Threw up in my car on the way home

The moral of the story...David Hertz is an asshole! But he is still my friend...somehow.
12/22/09
 
Bryan K says:
lol...what an idiot...shoot a hole in one, and then use the same ball to tee off the next hole! What a doofus. We all know that each ball is only good for one hole in one.
12/22/09
 
cheymike says:
@bjohn...really??? dang it.. i have quite a few balls still in my bag that OWE ME!!! Next season should be a good one! LOL!
12/22/09
 
windowsurfer says:
Tequila - a dangerous concoction. Reminds me of a dangerously drunk customer story a sales rep friend tells of a guy he brought to a Blackhawks game and things deteriorated in similar fashion, finishing off with the two of them getting dropped off at dawn on the customer's quiet upscale suburban street by a 54' highway tractor trailer. I also remember a golf trip to Bimidji, MN (great course!) that involved a complicated bet, a bottle of Drambuie, and a lawyer pal of mine teeing off on the 18th (next to the road) with his shorts around his ankles. I still greet him semi-frequently with: "Hi. Have that boil lanced yet?"
12/22/09
 
Bryan K says:
I don't drink anymore...but when I did drink...tequila and mezcal were my drinks of choice. I was particularly fond of Patron and del Maguay. It's kind of funny....every time I got a bottle of mezcal, and the stuff isn't cheap...I'd always be so gung ho about eating the worm. "Yeah!! I'm gonna do it this time!! I'm going to eat the worm!!!!" When it came to the bottom of the bottle, I could never even stomach the idea of touching the worm with my lips. Blech. Now, if I have one regret in life, it's that I never ate the worm.
12/22/09
 
etiger83 says:
When i'm just out with friends I like to have a few brews just to keep things lively. It's not like we're playing for $thousands so might as well just have fun. I usually keep it in the 70's while drinking so I don't see the problem. The problem comes when I hop in my truck after drunk driving the cart all day. Whew double vision is fun.
12/22/09
 
etiger83 says:
I did however play in a work scramble once where a teammate had to have his wife drive to the course to pick him up because he was piss drunk and had fallen out of the cart while in motion more than once.
12/22/09
 
RTJ Champion says:
This David Israel Hertz douchebag from Portage, Michigan seems like a total douchebag. What kind of person poops in a bunker...
12/22/09
 
BetterThanJohnWilson says:
RTJ Champion - he didn't poop in a bunker, he pooped in his pants while falling into a bunker. But yes I agree..what a douche!
12/23/09
 
windowsurfer says:
Think of it -- he made birdie with a busted finger, one shoe and poopy pants. Plus an ace. Too bad he took the TKO from the "elderly" gent or he may have created and completed the Hertz Slam. Although the "touch my johnson" episode probably ended his sponsorship hopes, even if he hadn't tapped out vs. the 60-something guy. BTW, thx for the funniest post ever on OOb.
12/23/09
 
jalsing says:
I generally will consume about a sixer per round, however golf for me is more social than serious. The alcohol seems to smooth my swing a bit. I do remember one outing, a friend of mine who preferred the hard stuff, ordered a round of Crown for the group. After downing I proceeded to knock stiff the best fairway wood I've ever hit. Not sure if it was the presence of alcohol or the extremely hot cart girl responsible for that though...
12/23/09
 
monteash says:
I find that if I drink during a round, my game goes south and that's especially bad when I'm competing with my kids (17 and 20). Going the next week hearing the trash talk every day after losing to either one of them just pisses me off. So, no stories about alcohol induced adventures for me. Taking a page from BetterThanJohnWilson, my story is "Alan Sawyer is an Asshole." Alan was (until two weeks ago) my boss. He comes to Las Vegas for a meeting and wants to golf. We go with two other guys from where I work to Las Vegas National. When I meet the other three in the bar, Alan has already consumed at least two large vodka and lemonade concoctions. By the time our tee time rolls around, he's ordered two more from the snack stand near the range and in the process of getting these, we are late to the first tee. When the starter asks us to hurry along, Alan states that there's better things to do on a golf course than golf and that he is there to drink his way around the course.
12/24/09
 
monteash says:
We start on #10 and by the time we get to #15, every one of Alan's shots are going 90 degrees right. Dangerous for those on the next hole in many cases. He suffers through the first nine and ends up losing all of the balls he has brought along. At the turn, he's on drink #10 and announces that he's through with golf and will drive the cart (my cart) for the rest of the round. I should have quit there. On the back nine, Alan proceeds to hit just about every drainage grate, most of which are recessed below ground level by at least six inches. On #4, after I hit a great shot from the rough above a large bunker, Alan asks me what would happen if he drives the cart through the bunker. I tell him that we'll probably get kicked off the course. He laughs an evil laugh and hits the rim of the bunker at full speed. I feel the cart start to bog down in the middle of the trap and resist the urge to bail out just as the cart regains traction.
12/24/09
 
monteash says:
While I'm looking back at the damage to the bumker from the cart, Alan hits another drainage grate at full speed and nearly breaks my back from the whip lash. The drink cart is still doing a great job of keeping Alan's thirst quenched and Alan decides that the cart girl is hot and needs to go out with us later. She's not cute and says she's married to which Alan replies that she should bring her husband out with us later. After several minutes of Alan making the move on the cart girl, I see the group behind us on the tee and tell Alan that I'm leaving him there. He's pissed but gets in the cart and off we go while he chews my butt for ruining his chances with the cart girl. With two left to play, Alan announces that he's had too much to drink, Yeah. We finish the round just as it is getting dark. We pull up the cart return and the attendant tells us to take the cart to the parking lot so we don't have to carry clubs.
12/24/09
 
monteash says:
The ramp from the cart area to the lot is just wide enough for one cart and I fear for my life as Alan weaves up the ramp with the attendant standing on the back of the cart. When we get to the top of the ramp, there's a taxi waiting between us and the parking lot. I point left toward my car and Alan nods in agreement. Just as we near the taxi and I'm leaning out, expecting a left turn, Alan cuts hard right. There's nothing on the cart to grap and as we round the front of the taxi, I feel myself losing what little balance I had due to the sharp turn. I step out of the cart on the move to avoid a certain roll out of the cart and when my right foot hits the fake cobble stone, there's zero traction and both feet go up above my head and I land squarely on my ass and bounce three times.
12/24/09
 
monteash says:
Alan never looks back. The cart attendant releases a string of cursing which would make a sailor blush and the taxi driver just stands paralyzed with amazement staring at me while I feel the pain roll several times from hips to head to feet. When I figure that I can move all my toes and bend both knees, I get up and walk the 50 feet to my car where Alan, the cart attendant and my clubs are waiting. Alan looks at me and asks, "Where did you go?" I don't say a word, put my clubs in my car and just stare at the attendant who is now apologizing to me. I watch Alan drive the cart to his rental car and realize that there's no way he's going to make it to his hotel. I end up driving him and his car to the hotel an taking a taxi back to my car.
12/24/09
 
monteash says:
The next day, Alan shows up to a meeting two hours late because he can't find his car in the hotel parking structure and has spent the morning walking rows of cars pressing the lock remote buttons on his keys to find his car. I reach into his jacket pocket and pull out the lot card which I put in his pocket the night before (he doesn't remember). He also doesn't remember tossing me out of the cart. I went to another course with him later in the week, he didn't drink and I drove the cart. My ass hurt for 3 weeks.
12/24/09
 
Bryan K says:
I can't believe you golfed with that guy again....but thanks for the story.
12/24/09
 
windowsurfer says:
"Where did you go?" (Chapter 5) Sorry, but that's actually pretty funny.
12/24/09
 
activesense says:
omg, i take a week off from oob to move house and I come back to this. I am laughing so hard that I am crying and my 4 year old is asking what is wrong. Thanks for the post, betterthan... and all the funny responses.
12/25/09
 
Mr VanityHandicap says:
Seriously I can't stop laughing about that doucher and telling everyone I know to come and read this story on David Hertz, WHAT A TOOL!...... The best part was the EPIC! meltdown and asking the paying partners to touch his shaft............ oh and getting beatdown by a 60 year old man.... I mean who does that! CLASSIC! David Israel Hertz is my new golf story to tell the guys at the bar. Thank you David, I might have to come to Portage Michigan to meet you and kick you in the balls for being a doucher. and making me laugh way to hard!
12/25/09
 
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