It's time once again to fire up the old gripe machine. This time around let's talk about those regrettable "Mentor Project" series of commercials that have become as unavoidable during golf broadcasts as a Cialis spot. I havent been a golf viewer all that long, but this has to be the most epic failure in the history of golf advertising.

The absolute worst in the series has to be the one featuring Tom Lehman and his young charge Kevin Streelman. Over a bed of some of the gravest most somber music you ever heard, the camera zooms in way too close on Tom Lehman's weather-beaten face as blabbers on thusly:

"You know Kevin, last year I would say you were not at your best. Now I know that you know that you were not at your best, and I know that you that I know that you weren't at your best. I think if you were to ask yourself, Was I at my best? I think you would say, No, I wasn't at my best.

So, now that you know you weren't at your best, what are you gonna do about it?"

Smash cut to an extreme close-up of Kevin Streelman's douche face as he squirms in his chair, with all the charm of a fratboy who's just been dressed down by the dean. He tries to muster up some fake remorse. "Uhhh, guess I gotta get to work."

Each time I see this it's like I'm seeing it for the first time, because the sheer incompetence and ham-handedness of it blows my mind and makes me go "Wow" every time.

This rant was so epic, I never saw the commercial and I hate it. And you know I hate it. And I know that you know I hate it. And if you asked me, "Do you hate this commercial?", I know you know I'd say "Yes, I hate this commercial." So what am I going to do about it, you ask? Uh, I guess I won't watch the commercial...

Just to clarify these "Mentor Project" ads are a series in which a Champions Tour player takes time out of their day to blow some hot air at a younger aged PGAT player. For example like Corey Pavin yammering while Jeff Overton pretends to pay attention, saying something about "Yeah, you are, you know, fiery, and *I'm* fiery too, and that's...a good, uh, thing. But the thing is, you gotta, you know, channel that into something, you know, positive, and not uh, negative." And in a desperate attempt to make the viewer think something actual is going on here, all of it takes place over the kind of sad extremely serious music normally reserved for those "Your donations can save these childrens' lives" commercials. Good god.

And can't not mention that particularly affecting one with Jay Haas wagging his finger at his son Bill. "You think you know what struggling is? I struggled just as bad as you on top of that I had to look out for your diaper ass at the same time. How would you like to try that on for size? I didn't think so." Good god. How ponderous can you get.